Introspective innocense
by mia66
Summary: This is taken from Elliot’s point of view after Inconceivable. Be aware of spoilers if you haven’t seen this episode. SVU and all it’s characters belong to DW. I only borrow for a little bit. Thanks to BH aka rukatoloveforever for reed-proof. and


**Introspective innocence **

_The room was dark, you could hear the wind blowing and the sounds of the wood roofing cracking when the branches of the trees hit the top of the house, but in the room you could feel the calm and silence and the innocence of the child sleeping there, he could smell the baby's scent of lavender and baby power, he was sleeping soundlessly on his side, and every now and then he would move only slightly and a little smile would appear on his face._

_He wondered what his son was dreaming of, he could lose himself in those moments, never in his wildest dreams; did he hope to have this chance again after so many years, to enjoy watching a child of his, growing and take his first steep, his first word or his first laugh, he had missed so much with his first kids that he was glad for this chance life was giving him again, he was just there looking at his small form, and he was mesmerize by it._

"_Hi! Have you been here long?" _

_Kathy said while she started massaging his shoulders, she could feel the tension there and apply a little more pressure to relax the muscles and nerves. She knew there were in knots because of the stress._

"_I got here twenty minutes ago, I was just checking on the kids and I just stay here, thinking"_

"_Thinking? Of what?_

"_I.. I don't know.. about him, us, having him at our aged and the chance we.. I have to be a father again to a new born"_

"_El you were.. are a wonderful father to you kids you have done what you could according to the circumstances.. does this have to do with work?" He stayed silent then said._

"_Have you ever stop to think how blessed we have been, on having our kids with out so much struggles and problems, not like so many couples that have to go to extreme measures to be able to have just one child?"_

"_All the time, I seen it in the hospital, in the faces of woman when they are told they can't have children because of some sort of problem or just because they can't, every time that happens I know we had been really fortunate to have our kids.. where is this coming from Elliot?"_

"_We had a case.. of stolen embryos.. all those couples and single parents that lost the opportunity of becoming a family, I never thought I could understand the need of having a child and go thru so much to have the opportunity, only to be taken away from them by a couple of nuts, trying to make a point"_

"_Oh, I saw it in the news, were you and Olivia working that case?"_

"_Yeah, in the beginning I thought it was kind of selfish and coldhearted recurring to those methods, but in the end.. I guess all that matters is that you want a part of you to outlive you when you leave this life, to feel that you accomplish something.. you know what I mean?"_

"_Yes I believe I do, it doesn't matter how much success you have or what you become we always need that knowledge of having roots, a family we can depend on, something that can bring us back home, our children are a continuation of our existence, they keep a remembrance of you when we cease to exist."_

_They stood silently, watching little Eli sleep and the silence became a little awkward as all their moments fallow after their small talks, it wasn't common for Elliot to talk of a case, and when he did; that meant the case had hit them hard, to close to home and she wonder whom was the most affected by it him or Olivia, she always wonder why Olivia was still single didn't have children, she was a beautiful and caring woman and was amazing with kids, her own kids love her to pieces and admired her so much that at times that had bothered her in the past but not anymore, heck she had even been jealous of her because of all the time she spend with her husband with work and cases, but now she felt an admirations; for the strong resourceful woman that she was, and respect for the work she did and how she had keep Elliot safe for the last nine years, even if she couldn't understand the deep affection they feel for each other as partners and friends, she new that she was part of that affection and care, she had been in the receiving end of that affection in the accident, when Olivia wouldn't leave her side for a second, trying to make sure she and little Eli were safe, feeling guilty even thought she had nothing to feel guilty for, she had fought for her and her unborn son and then after that, when she had been arrested in the ambulance Olivia had been there for her for Elliot but most of all for Eli, and she was more than grateful for that._

"_How is Olivia?" she ask._

"_Mm, she is ok" He said distracted like he was deep in thought, ok not fine, not good, just ok, and she new whom the case had affected the most. He didn't have to say it and he said nothing more._

"_Are you coming to bed?"_

"_In a minute, just give me a minute."_

"_Ok" With that she left him alone with his thoughts in the company of his baby boy and the knowledge that Olivia was a big part of those thoughts._

_He keep looking at his son, and the words "Some people aren't blessed as you are!" eco in his mind, how dense can you be?, how insensitive you can become to the needs of other's that wanted nothing more and in desperation what you have, that were willing to go to extremes to obtained it._

_He had been oblivious when Olivia said those words, didn't understand why she taken his comment so personal, and couldn't understand why she was acting so off thru the whole case, until she gave away her secret, something he should have seen, she was a woman not only a detective, and like any other woman she wanted a family, he new she had always been afraid of her origins and her biological lineage, but ever since she found her brother he could see she had change in that aspect, she had never told him in so many words, but she had change, he saw it that night in Philadelphia on that cold night when she had reveal she had always wished for a family to belong to, someone to come home for.._

"_Your biological clock is ticking" He had said those words trying to make her understand, he thought he knew what she was going thru, he had been lucky she didn't deck him in that hallway, cause he didn't know, he didn't understand her need to be a mom, not until today "I check in to adopting a child"._

"_You are an idiot!" Were her words after Much careless joke, not fight in her words just defeat and admittance, "You're an idiot".. That he was, an idiot that couldn't understand the woman that had been his partner for the last decade, how many times had he diminish her opinion on how to rise a child, how many times had he been condescended towards her, when they worked cases related to kids; telling her she didn't understand because she wasn't a parent, when it seams that she knew his children better than him, she could get them to tell her what was bothering the, given them advise and guidance on what to do or how to work things out that's why his kids seam to seek her advise over his and Kathy's. _

_But not only his kids; she was able to relate to almost every kid they had work with for the last years, she was right he was an idiot._

_Suddenly he felt a surge of anger towards those idiots that had decline her wished of becoming a mother " They didn't see me as prime parent material" Those were her words again, that's what they let her believe, if she wasn't "prime" parent material, then who the heck was? They didn't know her the way he did, they were mistaken, "They were wrong" And he stood by his words, they were so wrong about her, cause she could be an amazing mom, she was that to his kids with out the biological lines that gave her any rights to them, but she love them and they reciprocate the feeling with force._

"_You'll make a wonderful mother" And he mean that, she was a wonderful caring woman and he hope that she'll got the chance to prove them wrong, he wished she'll be given the chance of parenthood and he'll pray for that._

_He took a last glance at his baby boy and felt comfortable and secure, knowing that if something ever happened to him, she would make sure his children, their children were fine, cause that was the kind of woman that she was._

_Flipping his phone open he press the number in speed dial for her phone, he wanted to make sure she was ok, just like so many years back when at the beginning of their partnership, he used to call her after a hard case just to make sure she was ok, he felt the need to do it tonight._

_She pick up at the second ring, he knew she was still awake even though it was pass midnight._

"_El? Are you ok? Is something wrong?" They weren't picking up any cases, so her first thoughts were for him and his family, he new that._

"_Hey Liv, no everything is fine, we're fine, I was just calling to see how are you doing" _

_It seam so foreign, so distant since he'll call her just to make sure she was ok, that it took her a few seconds to respond._

"_I'm fine Elliot"_

"_Oh ok! Well goodnight then"_

"_Good night El"_

"_Liv!"_

"_Yes"_

"_I… I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean to…"_

"_El? I know"_

_The silence communicated everything he couldn't tell her in words, because words weren't his strong forte, she new and accepted that and she was glad; that if only for a few hours, her best friend had made an appearance, her old partner had come to her rescue making sure the night didn't swallowed her, letting her know things would be better, he had her back._

"_I know… thanks… good night"_

"_Night Liv"_


End file.
